Phone Wars (Toast!)
by Gigigue
Summary: This is what happens when two authors who wrote an extremely extensive parody of Lord of the Rings come together to write an extremely extensive parody of Star Wars. It will involve rebel dieticians, the Supersize-Me-to-Death Star, Jedis with too many allergies to keep track of, and other assorted random things which will probably confuse you. And it all revolves around an iPhone.


**A/N: Hi! This is Gigigue (Sarah) [Author A] and veebeejustte (Vibeka) [Author B]. So, this is the sequel to Lord of the Phones, our parody of Lord of the Rings. Basically, if you aren't a returning fan from the first story, you will probably get only about half of the jokes. Or perhaps even less. Still, feel free to try it. You'll probably give in eventually and read Lord of the Phones. So. To all those who are returning fans, hi! We're back! And we already have a first chapter! Or scene. Sorry. We're posting this as we write, so our updates won't be particularly consistent. Just saying. So, here we go!  
**

Phone Wars - Prologue  


Crawling Word Thing: Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Except it was actually only about three or four days ago. And it was in this galaxy (although considerably farther out).

Other Crawling Word Thing: It is a period of civil war. Rebel dieticians, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil McVaders Franchise. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Franchise's ultimate weapon, the Super-Size-Me-to-Death Star, an armored space-staurant with enough power to obesitize an entire planet. Pursued by the Franchise's sinister cashiers, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore health to the galaxy... Yay!

(Indiana Jones shoots out of a cut-off hallway and turns toward the exit. The rumbling is very loud and now we see why: right behind Indy a huge boulder comes roaring around a corner of the passage, perfectly form-fitted to the passageway. It obliterates everything before it, sending the stalactites shooting ahead like missiles. Indy dashes for the light of the exit. His hat flies off his head. Suddenly he stops.)

Indy: Wait a minute. Aren't we supposed to be doing Star Wars? 'Cause if so, I'm in the wrong movie…

(Suddenly, the boulder flattens him. Camera turns to reveal the two authors.)

veebeejustte (Vibeka) [Author B]: (propping up legs on invisible table) Sarah, you took the wrong script. And you flattened our Han Solo.

Gigigue (Sarah) [Author A]: You realize your feet aren't actually propped up on anything, right?

veebeejustte (Vibeka) [Author B]: They aren't?! (feet fall from invisible table and she falls over)

Gigigue (Sarah) [Author A]: Uh, yeah… Okay, I'm gonna go get the right script. (leaves)

veebeejustte (Vibeka) [Author B]: In the meantime, here's an ad…

(An ad pops up.)

Zombie Ad Announcer: How many times have you tried pranking your friends, when it just failed?

(Shows picture of lame fake vomit on the floor.)

Zombie Ad Announcer: Try our literal Dr. Pepper!

(Shows picture of bottle of Dr. Pepper.)

Zombie Ad Announcer: While it looks like an average Dr. Pepper bottle, inside, you'll find _real pepper_! Hand this to a friend, and after taking a sip, they will instantly double up in uncontrollable spasms of pain!

(The ad goes away.)

(Camera pans back to authors, who are frantically annotating and editing the Star Wars script.)

Gigigue (Sarah) [Author A]: You know what, we need more than just a Dark Side and a, uh, a Light Side. We need to have the Grey Side!

veebeejustte (Vibeka) [Author B]: Yes, but is it gray with an 'a' or grey with an 'e'?

Gigigue (Sarah) [Author A]: Well, I just typed it with an 'e'.

veebeejustte (Vibeka) [Author B]: Yes, but I like gray with an 'a' better.

Gigigue (Sarah) [Author A]: Okay fine, we can be the Octarine Side.

v(V)[AB]: Nah, I still like the Gray with an 'a' Side.

G(S)[AA]: Okay, compromise. What if we spell it with an 'e', but then advertise it with an 'a'? So like, the Grey With an 'A' Side?

v(V)[AB]: That's stupid.

G(S)[AA]: Yeah, but at least it's a compromise.

v(V)[AB]: What is it with your addiction to compromises?

G(S)[AA]: Well, I just want everyone to be at least partially happy.

v(V)[AB]: You know, this is getting off to a really bad start. I'm sure our readers are absolutely sick of us by now. And we're only on the first scene!

G(S)[AA]: Well, sequels aren't typically as good as the original, so that means we're doing something right.

v(V)[AB]: Wait, so if parentheses is the plural form, then is the singular parenthix?

G(S)[AA]: Where'd you get that?!

v(V)[AB]: Well you know, singular of appendices is appendix, so it follows that the singular of parentheses would be parenthix.

G(S)[AA]: (smacks forehead) That is so off-topic it's not even funny. How about we just call this the prologue and move on?

v(V)[AB]: Or we could come up with something to make it even more complicated, like describe how to make toast.

G(S)[AA]: Okay, ingredients list: soda, Twinkies, lactose-free milk, corndogs, flyswatters, cannibals, Orlando Bloom, the One iPhone, and a fish.

v(V)[AB]: Yay! Let's make it!

G(S)[AA]: Okay, well, if you mix all those together, you get Phone Wars, so that must mean this story is toast. That's not a good sign.

v(V)[AB]: Ahh, who cares? We now present to you... TOAST!

**A/N: Yup, it's toast. Hopefully we confused you with this. That's what prologues are for. To confuse people. Anyway. Sayonara! (Goodbye in Japanese.)**


End file.
